Life and Learnings of JerDee

So this weekend I went to a Relay for Life and celebrated my 4th birthday of being cancer free.  I also walked the survivor lap in spirit for a friend from high school who is currently going through chemo and really is the pillar of strength.

I go to these events because there are many cancer survivors there and we all feel the same way about the disease it sucks.   The other thing that brings us together is that when you hear those words “you have cancer” your mind plays tricks on you from that day on until the day you die.   Don’t mean to be morbid but it is true you are always wondering “will it come back” and it doesn’t matter what treatment/s or surgery/s you had.  All cancer survivors are connected by hearing those words.

Well while I was there I over heard a survivor who is currently going through a relapse say very angrily that she has no patience for survivors that only had a surgery and maybe one treatment then they were cancer free.  This is not the first time I have heard this directed towards me since I had one surgery and one RAI treatment and I have been cancer free ever since.  I am lucky yes but I still feel the same inside as other survivors who had to endure more than I.  Yes there are times I feel guilty that my experience was so much easier than other’s but one thing I learned from hanging around with other survivors is that it’s not the treatment and surgeries that define your cancer it is what goes through your mind and how you deal with it.

Well truthfully I have no patience for those who feel that their cancer story is worse than the next survivor’s since we all go through different treatments and have different support systems during our treatments.  It is the over all story and coming together to share it with fellow survivors who may have experienced the same thing or not but being able to unload and grow from your experience and hearing other’s.  We are all only human and we humans that are survivors all play the same mind games with ourselves every time we go back for our cancer checkups, “what if it came back?”.  And until we hear we are free for another year our minds race so do not judge other’s by what they had or didn’t have done for their cancer treatment.

We are all survivors of different forms of a horrible disease that no one should have to experience but we do. Those of us who do experience it become stronger especially with the strength of family, friends, and/or other survivors!!!  So what I have learned being around other survivors is share, learn, have hope, and be positive being bitter only puts you down.

Just when I thought things were looking up…panic attack and it was bad this time.  Doc says I need to change diet and hopefully things will look better.  I did notice that things with Gluten in them are making me feel bad.  So I have been paying more attention to it.

Then as I felt better and the days passed Jeremy had his Birthday.  Despite not feeling well I noticed that watching the kids celebrate his birthday all week made me feel better too.  He deserves to be celebrated even if he isn’t a world renowned Rock Star.  I am glad he is my Local Rock Star.  :-)

So for Jeremy’s bday we went to the Iron Pigs opening game and it was fun but chilly.  My honey is the best even though we have our tiffs he is great and I wouldn’t ask for anything else or anyone else.  I love you honey!!

I spent 10 years of my life learning and understanding the biotech industry.  During that time I had my ups and downs but I learned the business and the science.  I spent countless hours on one specific drug that on March 25, 2011 was approved by the FDA.  This drug was for melanoma in late stage.  I was truly beside myself that something I put my heart into was going to help patients across the country live longer lives.  

But my celebration was short lived.  I shared with the world how proud I was to be a part of such a novel drug but due to 2 circumstances I felt empty.  

1st, I realized that I am not at the small company anymore that first came up with the drug.  We were bought out by  our partner for this same drug because we did not have the capital to keep it going.  So this news in the big company was not celebrated as I would have hoped.  If I was still back at the smaller company we would have left early to celebrate.  

2nd, I told the world.  I was hoping to get some positive feedback and I did but I think I wanted to hear from someone bigger than friends and family.  I posted on twitter to big celebs that are cancer advocates and nothing.  They seem to think the happy bday wishes are more important.

So I realized even though I knew this before that I am proud of my accomplishment and so are the people closest to me.  This is what really matters but I still in my heart wish I would get one tweet saying that is awesome.  Not getting my hopes up.  So now that I have vented I feel much better.

May this drug help many melanoma patients live longer lives!!!